#MOMBOSS Memo: The First Time I Understood My Worth

by Erica N. Bohannon

In our society, in some aspect, we all struggle with understanding who we truly are and the worth that we bring to the universe. Growing up, I never really felt like I truly knew who I was. I was aware of the gift that God had given me, but to truly say that I knew Erica…was still a mystery. From being a fatherless girl at birth, having my father reject me face to face along with handling molestation from age eight to twelve and burying it deep down in my subconscious, I thought that I had healed and was strong enough to push through. It wasn’t until I hit my teenage and early adult years that it began to manifest itself in my life and boy was I in for a surprise…

As a young adult, on the outside, I appeared to be happy and full of joy, but deep down inside, I knew that I had been missing something. A piece of me was longing for something. I thought I could fill this void with boys, sexual pleasures, my accolades, and material possessions. The hurt and pain from desiring my father to affirm my worth, looking for my mother to just listen to that part of my soul that longed for such a deep relationship, and for a man, who portrayed himself to be safe in my home; only to rob me of such an innocence that I believed until recently, that I couldn’t get back began to suffocate me and consume the essence of who God created me to be.

It wasn’t until the summer of 2010, that I met a pastor, in the middle of what I’d like to call, “my beautiful chaos” who saw a light in me…He told me, “I am not sure of who you are, but I am a pastor from Florida and God told me to come to you and let you know that you’re so special and that He has something amazing for you.” Count it strange, but I would have people speak over me and say things similar to this, but this time, it felt different. God met me right when I felt that I couldn’t make it any longer with the lifestyle that I had grown accustomed to (drinking/clubbing EVERY weekend, smoking,
fornication, abortion) and said to me, “You mine. I chose you. You are so beautiful to me. I know that you have experienced hurt, I know that you’ve felt abandoned. I know that rejection from your father has made you feel like it has torn you apart. I will never leave you. I will never hurt you. You are my daughter and I forgive you. I need you.”
That same week I cried my heart out and accepted Christ into my life. From that moment on, I have seen some amazing changes in my spirit.

God placed people around me that would reflect what I thought about me.

From my best friends, my aunts, co-workers, and especially my son’s father; they have all contributed to this beautiful version of me.

My son’s father has helped me so much in my walk with Christ (I am not sure that he even knows ). Through him, God has used him to help mold and shape me into a woman of God. He has shown me so much patience and love that I can’t thank him enough. God also has helped show me my worth through my son. I can’t begin to say how many times Chace has shown me forgiveness when I had not deserved it. Having him at an early age helped groom me as well. My worth comes from Jesus dying on the cross for every sin I have, would have and will commit. My worth comes from the blood he shed for me. My worth also comes from Him choosing me. I heard his voice and I
chose to respond to His call to show me my worth. I am forever grateful (I am trying not to cry as I type this. My faith has shown me that anyone can find their worth in Him if they just believe. My faith as also shown me that even when I do fall, that He gives me the grace to get back up and hit the re-start button. To know that I can try again is such an amazing thing.

I hope this helped someone out there who needed a story of light in their dark days.

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